Rewind

I think through my entire pregnancy the Lord was preparing me to be done having kids. From the moment I found out I was pregnant with Joshua- I just kept shaking my head. I kept thinking over and over again- "are you kidding me?" 2 babies- 2 in diapers- 2 children who aren't walking? How in the world am I gonna handle this? He answered me in ways I never imagined He would.

I'll take you through my journey of the Lord teaching me a very powerful lesson. So it starts like this- me crying and telling Phillip that I'm pregnant. Mind you- Samuel was 2 1/2 months old. I'll never forget the look on Phillips face when he came home that day. He smiled, hugged me and said, "I can't believe you got pregnant..." like it was MY fault? Haha- very funny, like he didn't have ANYTHING to do with it. Then at my 7 month ultrasound I find out I have this RARE thing called velamentous insertion. Vela-what??? My Dr. calmly explains to me the major concerns, low birth weight, infant death. I just sat-I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I get in the car and sob uncontrollably. I kept thinking, I can't handle this- I can't deal with an unknown like this for the next 12 weeks. I talk with Phillip- he as always assures me it's going to be OK- and even if it isn't- we'll get thru it. See- the awesome thing about Phillip is that he's all calm and quiet and I'm all drama and emotions. So I try for the next couple of days not to freak out if I can't feel the baby move. I try and tell myself over and over again that I can handle it.

Fast forward 12 weeks...I've carried this baby 39 weeks and some days. I feel great, I feel like I finally have control :) I made it full term, the baby looks big and healthy. I did it.

I get to my NST and my Dr. does my ultrasound and gets a funny look on her face. She thinks there's meconium in my fluid. What does that mean? She's scheduling an induction in 2 days if I don't go into labor on my own. I'm thinking in my head- what the heck else can happen? I'm frustrated because I've been pregnant for so long. I've tried EVERYTHING- and I mean EVERYTHING to have this baby. I tried every crazy old Chinese/Mexican wives tale. I did the egg yolk on my stomach, I ate avocados, took black cohash, red-raspberry tea, did the deed, ate spaghetti sauce, prayed and prayed and NOTHING. Once again I call Phillip in a heap of tears- why can't I make this happen like I want it to?

I finally go into labor on Thursday night, push out all 9.2lbs of him (by the way there was NO meconium in my fluid and HELLO- 9.2lbs- so much for a low birth weight!). Joshua looks perfect. I cried the second I delivered him. I never prayed so much over anything in my life. Hearing him cry was such a relief to me. I literally laid there and sobbed, Phillip kept rubbing my head like the sweet husband he is. I couldn't stop crying. Lauren asked me a few times if I was ok- I just couldn't pull it together. I think they were a little worried that I was gonna go off the deep end. And then it hits me out of no where:

"For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mothers womb. I will praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:13

I didn't even have this verse memorized, but it was like a big fat huge WINK from my Creator. After all my stressing, my crying, my questioning...I needed to see the bigger picture. That my baby was in the hands of the Creator of the universe. This entire time the Lord was showing me that I couldn't handle anything on my own. It was His strength that was going to get me thru.

So, all this is to say... the Lord is continually stretching and teaching me. To be honest- having to deal with Joshua in the hospital for jaundice was like a pop quiz for me. Of course I was upset, of course I was sad. But there was a peace in my heart that I just can't describe. I felt like the Lord was stretching me a litttttlllleeee bit more. He had to take me to the point of exhaustion to get HIS point across. By the time Joshua was back in the hospital, I think I was too tired to stress out about it. I realized our family was complete with Joshua here and that the Lord was going to take care of every little detail. Not me, not Phillip, but the Lord. He created our family before creating the universe, and I need to remember to just let the Creator do His thing. AMEN ;)

Our new addition

Well, it's been a long couple of weeks. Joshua Anthony arrived on July 3rd at 11:18am. He weighed in at 9.2 lbs and measured 20 1/2 inches (ok they measured him at 19 1/2 at the hospital, but then 4 days later at the Dr. he was 20 1/2- I'm pretty sure he didn't grow an entire inch in 4 days, I think they measured wrong the first time...) anyway....

One day I'll post about my labor and all that- but it's still a little to fresh in my mind if you know what I mean. He's doing really well- he does a good 4 hour stretch for me, waking anytime between 3-4am then goes back to sleep for another 3 hours. I'm slowly figuring out the juggling act of having 2 babies- Samuel still counts as a baby because he doesn't walk yet. :)

So in between diaper changes, feeding, cleaning up from feeding, laundry and a horribly messy/dirty house- I have managed to take a few pictures.

Ain't he somethin' :

His brothers are somethin' special too:

This week it's my goal to update this blog, lots and lots has happened. Samuel's turned 1 (and got the best gift ever- a brother), in and out of the hospital with Joshua, adjusting to life with three. Phillip very happily describes our life now as a "Zone Defense"- obviously I haven't got a CLUE what that means, I just know that we're not playing man-to-man anymore. I'm just glad I have a great teammate- he makes an even better husband and daddy.

Happy Father's Day

Father's Day has never been so special for me- I know- sounds strange right? But honestly- there's no better feeling in the world than to know the man you love, is a truly great Daddy. I appreciate Phillip for so very many things. I remember a time, long ago when I wondered how he'd handle fatherhood. I mean, lets be honest. We're all selfish, but when you're newlyweds I think it's 10x worse. The thought of taking care of another human being and putting their needs first is a very foreign thought. I think for mom's this comes more quickly. We carry a baby for 9 months straight, then the thing's attached to some part of our bodies till the age of 12 months. We don't have much of a choice when it comes to learning that lesson.

I'm happy to say- I think Philip is becoming more and more selfless as each day passes. I enjoy watching him with the boys more and more everyday. It's not something I ever want to take for granted. I love that he comes home, kisses me, then kisses each of the boys. I love even more when Mikey hears the garage door open and screams, "Daddy's home Samuel!" and off he runs.

I get a kick out of watching Samuel's eyes light up when Phillip sits and plays with just him. Mikey has a bit of a hard time sharing his Daddy, but he's learning ;) It always makes me laugh when Mikey doesn't let Phillip teach him something and Phillip just shakes his head. Not out of frustration or anger, but with a quiet attitude that knows he'll eventually come around and ask for Daddy's help.

I can't wait to see the relationship develop between Joshua and Phillip. And honestly, I can actually say that I'm really excited to have 3 boys. I never really knew how much boys love their mommies and I never really knew how much boys want to be like their daddys. Thankfully- my boys have an amazing daddy to look up to. Phillips a hard worker, a man of integrity, a great friend and a man who strives to be better. Could I really ask for anything more?

Happy Father's Day honey- you're the best.

So it begins...

It's been kind of a frustrating week for me, physically I'm pretty tired.  I didn't realize how exhausting this whole thing really is. Samuel has been EXTRA clingy and fussy, today he'd just crawl over and snuggle with me. It's like he knows somethings about to change :) Poor baby.

Sleep- is non-existent, I wish I had a huge forklift that could just flip me over in bed. It's like a ten minute event trying to roll over in bed! And I especially love it when I'm JUST about to doze off and Joshua decides it's time to have a party or better yet- I have to pee for the 10th time.

So today was a pretty normal day of hanging out. My sister-in-laws came over, I started having contractions at about Noon- they were 15 minutes apart until I laid down at 2:30pm to try and rest. Then they just stopped. I swear it's like my womb can't make-up her mind...

My mom and sister came over for dinner- an early father's day celebration (which just reminded me that I haven't gotten anything for my father-in-law- guess the hubby will have to go). Anyway- it was a relaxing evening and after they left, I started a mental list of everything I wanted to get done tomorrow.

I went to bed at about 10pm, then woke up at 11pm with contractions. OK- no biggie- tried to fall back asleep and realized they were starting to get a little harder and closer together.  So I came downstairs at a little after midnight and sat on the medicine ball and bounced. Meanwhile the hubby is looking at me like- "are we going, are we staying???".  Much to my content, he's watching T.V. and leaving me alone :) He's the best hubby EVER.

1am- I tell Phil to try and get some sleep (at least one of us will function tomorrow if I don't go to the hospital).  I try to lay down again and my contractions go to every 5 minutes on the dot. 

1:45am- might as well get up and get some laundry done right?  Then all of the sudden it hits me:  I'm having a baby.  Random- I know- but suddenly the thought of an infant completely overwhelms me. Samuel can't even walk yet for crying out loud!  I mentally scold myself and think- what the H-E double toothpicks was I thinking???  I've never been more sure in my life that Phil's getting a vasectomy. No questions asked- I don't want to be pregnant again- I don't want to have another contractions. I'm done. Finished. Thank-you Lord for making it clear.

3:30am- 2 loads of laundry done, I'm going to try and quietly put them away. I've decided I'll call my mom at 4:30am, it should take her 30 minutes to get here. Then I'll wake up the hubby and we'll go.

UNLESS...my contractions totally stop- which I'm pretty sure ain't happening.  So it begins...

Samuel's trampoline fun

The other day I was cleaning up from dinner when Phillip and the boys decided to go hang out outside.  I looked up when I heard Samuel laughing hysterically- here's the image from my kitchen window:

Of course I grabbed my camera to get these pictures.  Samuel is suffering VERY badly from "I want to do what Mikey's doing" syndrome.  A syndrome I didn't even knew existed until I had a second child. Right now he wants to be wherever Mikey is, especially outside. I actually have to lock the sliding glass door because in 2 seconds flat he'll let himself out and go off on his merry little way. 

Trampoline Fun

I love the long days of Spring and Summer, popsicles in the cool evenings and watching Mikey and his cousins on the trampoline.  I decided to bring out my camera and practice once again shooting on full manual. My goal by the end of the year is to be able to do it- without thinking- or without thinking a lot about it.  Anyway- here's some of the fun pictures I got:

Mikey doing what Mikey does-

This is the best series of shots I got- I think I snapped about 200 hundred trying to get the action frozen while the sun was going down.  I've been told this is the trickiest time to shoot and now I understand why.  I've never realized how much the light changes within the last hour of the sun being up. 

Anyway- here's Mikey showing off on the trampoline-

Our 1st summer swim

Our 1st summer swim actually happened about a month ago and technically it wasn't really "swimming", but sitting in the kiddie pool. But who really cares right? 

Samuel had a blast sitting with Mikey and splashing around. He DIDN'T have a blast keeping his hat on. I was hesitant to let him take it off since I'm not sure what his skin is gonna do yet- fry like a little white boy or brown up like Mommy and Daddy.  I'm pretty sure he's gonna brown right up since he was a little darker after being out there for an hour.  

Anyway- it was very relaxing for me to just sit next to them in the beach chair and listen to them splash. I mean honestly- it's the best $16.99 I think I've spent in a LONG time!